Then, last week, in the way of the slow turning and convergence of celestial spheres, a solution presented itself. I joined Costco. Touring the store to see what they had in stock, I found HELIUM canisters the size of standard propane tanks sold as party balloon sources. 15.5 cubic feet of helium for $20. Hmmmmm.... I made all the necessary calculations. 15.5 cubic feet would at least fill one tube, maybe two. $20 could be covered up in the family budget without major risk. What other calculations were there? I checked the fixtures, connections, New York Stock Exchange, everything looked favorable. Wednesday I took the plunge. I bought the tank, brought it home to visions of having to pull my tube down off the ceiling of my garage. I immediately hid it, from my four year old daughter of course. The box to this soon to be revolutionary gas source for float tubes was covered with pictures of party balloons and kids in conical hats squealing with delight. SHE COULDN'T HAVE IT. THIS HELIUM WAS MINE. THIS WAS DESTINY. Gathering my faithful assistant, Cliff Adams, for the trial run, we altered the helium hose to a compressed air nozzle. Cliff dryly commented that the helium wasn't going to do squat diddly, but his curiosity was piqued, I could tell. Fame can't come too easily, I consoled myself. Out of curiosity, we tried to weigh my tube, full up with regular air. On our new, digital electronic bathroom scale, the tube wouldn't register until I got on holding it. The scale, registering only even pounds, indicated 207. We went back into the garage, pulled the stem and emptied the tube, replaced the stem and hooked it up to the helium tank. Cliff ran the gas valve, I supported the nozzle to the stem with one hand, and held down the tube hopefully with the other, and we began the inflation. It went really well. The tube swelled and filled out the nylon until all the wrinkles disappeared. I didn't want to overinflate the tube since that would compress the helium, increasing it's density and decreasing it's lift. I lifted my hand from the tube and stepped back. It just sat there. I hefted it. It felt, well, just like it was filled with air, light, but substantial. Well, so much for actual flotation. But was it any lighter? We pulled out the scale. I held up the tube and got on. 208. Well, we saved the day by inflating a bunch of party balloons for my daughter who was really curious why all of a sudden we were blowing up balloons and making like it was a party. She couldn't have been more suspicious than if I had just jumped off a bridge with my waders on.
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